o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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