the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize