I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
