Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
