That's intense
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
