every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize