Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
