Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
