He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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