Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize