I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
