HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
