I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize