he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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