I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
