you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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