if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
