No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
