oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
