If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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