Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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