The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
