i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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