There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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