I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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