'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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