In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
