two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
