Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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