i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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