you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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