im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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