jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
