Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
