im six kinds of drunk right now
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize