She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
