How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
