you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
