I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
