that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
