wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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