Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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