I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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