is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
