hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
