if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
