There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
