and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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