How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
