well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
