You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
