Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
