How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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