when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
