Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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