I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
