How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize