Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
