$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
