Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
