She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
