Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
