Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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