I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Success! We fucked roommates!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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