i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize