she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Green mimosas i think yes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
