I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
